FDLIC Corporate Officers blog about current issues in the preneed industry and in funeral service, providing insight, commentary, and news updates.
When Theory Meets Reality - The Perfect Tribute
Monday, December 17, 2012
By Paul Roland Lovelace
Every now and then, the theory of sales, service and business that we endeavor to study and perfect in practice meets up with us in the real world, in our reality. Interestingly, this recently happened to me, and I wanted to share how we arrived at the "perfect tribute." On December 6, 2012 Roland F. Smith passed away. He was 88 years old. He was also my last surviving grandparent, a loving father to my mom and her sister, and a member of the Greatest Generation this country has ever known. And yes, I am honored to be named after him, as he built quite a legacy of giving and sharing that was an example to all who knew him and loved him. He will be missed.
It struck me more than ever before that, funerals are never easy. That's one of the reasons we do what we do here at Funeral Directors Life Insurance Company. Fortunately, my grandfather's service was preplanned and prefunded on a preneed contract, which did make things much, much easier. In fact, mom asked me, "Why doesn't everyone do this?"
However, as far as the details of the service were concerned, those were not completely documented. So, that left some important decisions to be made. My family really had little idea of what they wanted to do, which is of little surprise since most people are ill prepared for these types of things.
My family was uncertain about what needed to happen and when. My mom and her sister knew more about what they didn't want than what they did want for my Paw Paw's service. For example, here's a few of the things they knew for certain that they did not want. They absolutely did not want to:
- Be marched in to the service in front of those in attendance at the funeral home.
- Have a long sermon at the funeral service.
- Have someone lead the service who did not know their dad.
- Use any funeral limousines.
- Have a large public gathering at the cemetery.
- Have the same sad songs that are usually heard at funerals.
- Have a reading of the obituary.
Additionally, there were two main areas my family definitely wanted to be addressed in order to be satisfied.
The first was the order of the service. Mom was adamant that she wanted to combine the visitation and the funeral service. She wanted them to be held at the same time. Her logic was simple. She felt it would be more convenient for people who came to pay their respects to be able to participate in both the visitation and the ceremony, while they were there. You know what? For us, she was right and it worked out great. I would not be surprised if more families didn't start asking for this order of service.
Secondly, since my Paw Paw was a lifelong singer, musician and played in a country & western band, my family felt that we ought to have a band play at some point in the funeral service. But not just any band, she wanted the original members who played with my Paw Paw years ago. So, that's exactly what they did. They set up their instruments in the chapel and after the funeral service, many stayed around for about an hour or so listening to songs from the good old days in honor of Roland Smith.
As I am left to ponder the intersection of funeral service theory and marketplace reality, I now can see the responsibility we have to share our insights with others who may be unprepared. We ended up with a fitting service for someone we loved and cared for deeply. Someone came up to me when it was all over and said that was the "perfect tribute" for your grandfather. And I think that is part of the lesson learned here. Get what you want and plan what you need. It is your family and there are no second chances to get the service you want. Every family deserves a "perfect tribute."
